Friday, September 30, 2005

Juz another wretched day...

i'm back again... today is another wretched day... slept for onli 5 hours last night.. watched a soccer match at 2.35am... haha... that's enough for last night... let's talk abt today...
nothing special today... had a lecture n that's all for the day... had lunch with big head n mole... had a great time gossiping n catching up... in the evening, i had a game of tennis with sam n almost die in the midst of playing... but had a great game anyway... but along with the game, i brought back lots of injuries... went back to sch after the game n attended the arts club AGM... quite bored in there... i'm alone in there n no one's there to accompany mi... so sad... waited for veri long for her to come... in the end, she never came... onli when the AGM is abt to finish then she appeared, i'm exhilarated to see her... that's all for the day's events...
hmmm... now it's my thoughts' sections liao... had a great mood in the morning n the afternoon... feeling depressed once again in the evening.. the feeling juz came to mi suddenly n i din noe wat happened... thoughts r whirling in my mind while i'm on my way home... thinking abt how to make her forgive mi for wat i've did... i noe that i'm veri insensitive to alot of things especially feelings.. this had been bugging mi for a long time liao... i'm trying hard to correct it... i juz hope that u can give mi time to change it... at times, i really dun noe wat to do... all this while, i've been trying to console pple when they r sad.. offer advice they r in trouble... do this n do that... y am i the one doing all these..?? out of a sudden, i feel that all hope n light hav been drained away from mi... all that's left is juz a walking dead... devoid of any feelings... humouring pple... entertaining them... i'm sick of all these... wat shld i do...??? seek for eternal rest where there's no one to bother abt...??? or shld i juz carry on putting up this brave n strong front...??? haiz... i'm at a lost...
how come my life is so screwed up..?? i'm veri tired.... ZzZzzz.....

posted by ahfu @ 12:18 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

A Wretched Day...


Finally got my blog up... i've been wanting to set up a blog... but too lazy to do so in the previous days... finally today, i've got the impulse to set up my blog today... a wretched day...
today had been a wretched day... i had my soci test today... before the test, i felt confident that i'll be able to do well in the test.. but after getting the questions, i found out that i sux big time in soci... i dun even noe how to do those questions... damn pissed at myself... upon handing up the script, hopelessness overwhelmed mi... i cant imagine the kind of look my tutor will give mi when he return mi my paper... i feel so useless out of a sudden... i'm starting to question my existence in this world.. y shld i live in such misery...??
i'm veri tired of it already... pressures are coming from everywhere... n even i'm giving pressure to myself... i feel so sick of myself...
actting like a clown in sch, behaving like an idiot... degrading myself with this kind of behaviour... y am i doing all this...??? to seek attention...?? or am i trying to get into the group..?? i dun noe... today, i'm sick of all these pretension n wish that pple can take mi more seriously n hope that i wun act like a clown again...
i feel that i've changed alot since the day i've entered uni... but i dunno how much hav i changed... all of them say that i've changed... no longer the 'Qianfu' they noe last time... wat hav caused such a draastic change in mi..?? i dunno...
i've been wanting to vent all my frustrations out n find someone to talk to abt all this... but i've found out that it's veri difficult to say out all this feelings... thus, i've decided to say all these to the computer...
haha... finally vented all my frustrations out liao... feel so relaxed now... n pls dun take all these seriously... cuz today is one of the days when i feel veri depressed n see no meaning in life... maybe it's PMS...?? haha... anyway, thanx for listening to all my frustration.... tomolo will be a better day... let's hope so... haha... bye...!!!!

posted by ahfu @ 11:59 PM 0 comments